


Disarm

by FranklyMrShankly



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Coming Out, F/M, High School, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-04-17 23:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4684859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FranklyMrShankly/pseuds/FranklyMrShankly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What I choose is my choice. What's a boy supposed to do?<br/>Oh, the years burn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Disarm You With A Smile

Gerard had known for about a million years that he was not straight. Born and raised in a somewhat conservative and religious environment, he was hesitant to call himself gay or bisexual.

Let’s just say that Gerard Arthur Way was… flexible.

Which really didn’t matter, considering he was in a long term, heterosexual relationship. Lindsey was the girl he crushed on in ninth grade, asked out in tenth, broke up with in the summer before eleventh, apologized to before homecoming that year, and had been dating ever since. She was great; the kind of high school sweetheart you marry and have babies with and never leave your hometown with.

Gerard’s flexibility did matter right that moment though. Because Frank was on the phone. His best friend, Frank, was on the phone confessing that he thought he was maybe bisexual, because he’d been in love with Gerard since that same homecoming and in a steady state of denial and panic since he figured it out. He told Gerard that he couldn’t see starting his senior year without telling his best friend the truth.

 

His flexibility mattered now, because he'd loved Frank since they were fourteen, and Frank had tried to teach Gerard to play the guitar. Frank was patient and gentle as he showed Gerard a few chords, and laughed with an unoffensive mirth when Gerard became frustrated with his clumsy fingers. With a light smile, Frank reminded Gerard that he was an incredibly skilled artist, and that maybe music just wasn't his medium. Gerard couldn't help the twinge in his heart.

**  
**  


Gerard still couldn’t play; but that was just the beginning of what he had known to be his greatest unrequited love.

“…I’m sorry, Gerard. I know this makes it awkward and I don’t want that. But I can’t fucking lie to you anymore. I just… I know.”

“Come over Frank,” Gerard muttered into the phone before he could lose his nerve. This was a conversation to be had face to face.

“But Linds…”

“Isn’t here. She’s off in Scotland visiting her relatives. She’ll be back the first week of school.”

“Oh, uh… okay? I guess.”

Both boys hung up and Frank was on his way to Gerard’s house, probably for the last time. He knew Gee was going to let him down easily, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to hurt like hell.

**  
**  
  


————————

**  
**  


When Frank knocked on his front door, Gerard swung it open and yanked the other boy in by his shirt, wasting no time, planting kisses on his kips. They were soft and desperate, but rather chaste. Little pecks of affection.

Frank yelped and jumped back, startled at the exact opposite of the reaction he’d been expecting.

“Ger-gerard?” he muttered, straightening his shirt and looking around for Gee’s family.

“I’m home alone and you’re a fucking idiot.” This time, when Gerard hauled Frank up for a kiss, it wasn’t as chaste. Lips pressed against lips eagerly and the taller of the two pressed the shorter against the wall of the foyer. Frank was sure he felt the light lick of Gerard’s tongue against his bottom lip before he was given a moment’s break from the onslaught.

“You’re a fucking idiot if you think that I haven’t loved you all this time,” Gerard continued. Frank grinned against Gerard’s lips and then became the aggressor in what was arguably, the hottest make-out session of his eighteen years. Tongues and teeth meshed, eyes drifted mostly closed, and hands began to roam over clothed torsos and hip bones.

Neither young man was really aware of the passing of time, nor were they aware of how the got from the doorway to the basement where Gerard slept. Frank was enjoying being thoroughly pressed to Gerard’s mattress with his best friend on top of him, grinding his hips down and nipping at his collarbones while Frank stroked his messy hair. It seemed Gerard had found a particularly sweet spot, and when he drug his teeth against it roughly, Frank yelped and flailed a little, knocking a stack of books on Gerard’s night table askew. Those books knocked a framed photo onto the floor.

Frank glanced over at the sound. Gerard didn’t seem to be particularly bothered; he just grinned at the other boy’s positive reaction. “Yeah?” Gerard rasped with a smirk, going back to work at that spot.

Frank knew that photo, though. The one of Gerard and Lindsey taken during a music festival last year. Lindsey was smiling into the camera she was holding up and Gerard’s lips were pressed to her cheek, looking completely smitten.

For a few moments of kisses and touches that Frank had been absolutely craving, he’d forgotten the reason he’d come over here expecting rejection. Gerard was taken. And he was _happily_ taken at that. He loved Lindsey.

With a deep breath and more self control than Frank ever thought himself capable of, he pushed Gerard off of him and sat up into the space so that Gerard couldn’t re-occupy it. “Stop, Gee,” he said sadly.

Gerard looked confused for a moment until Frank leaned over the bed to pick up the photo, a small crack was present in the front of the glass. He handed it to the taller man. “We can’t, Gee. Lindsey. You love Lindsey.”

Gerard  was already shaking his head. “Not as much as I love you, Frank. I’ve loved you since before I met her. I loved you before I even knew it….”

“Gerard, you’re straight.”

“No. I’m not. I thought you were, too, until today,” Gerard murmured, running hands through bright crimson hair. “That’s why I never said anything. Frank, I have love for Lindsey, but I’m in love with you… since forever. For forever… I just didn’t think I had a chance. Didn’t think you could ever want me.”

“What kind of idiot wouldn’t want you, Gerard? You’re my favorite person in the world. Talented, funny, smart, kind, fucking beautiful… I’ve wanted you for years and it’s confused the shit out of me. But I’m accepting it now. I’m not exactly straight. Don’t know if it’s guys in general, or if it’s just you… but it’s definitely you. Like I said, who wouldn’t want you?” Frank was breathless. There may have been tears in his eyes at Gerard’s confession of love.

“My straight best friend might not want me,” Gerard said.

“That was my thought, too, Gee.” Frank reached forward and drew the redhead into a hug. He loved Gerard, and Gerard loved him. But it just… it couldn’t work. “M’sorry, Gee. I wish I could do this, make out with you… make love with you. But I can’t. You’re not available.”

Gerard sobbed a little. In the same hour, he’d been given the whole world and had it taken away. Desperately, he slammed his lips to Frank’s. Frank kissed him back more gently; less desperately and more sad. Gerard knew that kiss was a kiss goodbye.

“No. Frank. You can’t just tell me you love me back and then tell me goodbye. It’s not fair. I’m breaking up with Linds. Of course I am! I want you! If there’s a choice, I chose you every time!” Gerard cried.

“I want that, Gee,” Frank said with a teary smile. “But think about it, okay? I hope you choose me. Please, _Go_ d… fucking choose me. But I want you to be sure. You’ve got a few days before school starts and Lindsey gets back. Think about it, okay? If you want me still after you’ve had a few days, I’m yours. But think. I don’t want you to choose me in the heat of the moment, and then regret it. So, think.”

Frank kissed Gerard’s lips chastely and stood, straightening his clothes.

“I love you, Frank.”

“I love you, too, Gee. I’m yours if you want me. Just let me know.”

Gerard nodded, miserably, knowing Frank was right. Without a word, Frank walked upstairs and let himself out. Gee curled around his pillow and cried and thought.

**  
**  



	2. Cut You Like You Want Me To.

Things aren’t ever really as easy as you expect them to be; a lesson Gerard was certainly learning there and then. He’d had every intention to break things off with Lindsey when she got home from Scotland. There weren’t any international calling or texting plans on her phone, and, anyway, Gerard knew better than to try to do this via phone or email or anything… _I’m leaving you for my very male best friend_ was a phase that was only respectful when uttered in person, if at all.

But he’d underestimated the sheer force his gymnast girlfriend would hit him with after nearly a month apart and before he could say, “We need to talk about my homosexual tendencies,” she had him pinned to his mattress with her tongue in his mouth. And that wasn’t exactly a thing Gerard had ever been good at ignoring.

An hour later, Gerard was under his comforter and Lindsey was nestled up against his naked chest, smiling with a satisfied air and stroking his chest with one hand as she sleepily spoke about the family she’d seen and the things she’d done overseas. Gerard nodded and hummed in all the right pauses. He asked the appropriate questions and stroked her hip lazily with the hand that wasn’t holding a cigarette, but his mind was on other things.

The way Frank had felt underneath him, just days before, for one thing. The way his mouth tasted clean and only slightly like smoke for another. Gerard’s eye drifted shut as he recalled the perfect way Frank’s erection pressed against his, and suddenly, he became all too aware of the position of Lindsey’s thigh, creeping closer to his groin and the rapidly rehardening length that lay there.

“Round two? So fast?” Lindsey said with a smirk as she teasingly drew her leg up, brushing against his dick. Gerard groaned and opened his eyes, wishing to be met with Frank’s sparkling hazel and finding Lindsey’s familiar brown instead.

“Yeah,” he drawled with a hiss, as her leg came back down, catching his skin in a delicious slide.

“Yeah?” she repeated and leaned forward for a kiss before disappearing under the blankets.

Gerard knew it wasn’t fair. He knew that he was doing Frank, Lindsey, and himself an injustice by allowing himself to pretend that his girlfriend’s lips around his shaft belonged to Frank. Gerard knew that if she could read his thoughts, she’d be appalled and hurt, and he didn’t ever want to make her feel that way.

There would be no helping it, though, when the truth finally came out.

Now that he knew Frank felt the same and had experienced the boy’s kisses and happy, satisfied grins… he couldn’t pretend anything else. This was wrong and he needed to stop it.

“Linds. Stop. Come up here,” Gerard’s voice was rough, but not with lust, with anxiety. She came up above the blankets, grinning, expecting him to take charge and roll her over, as he liked to do, occasionally. Her grin was met with a frown.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, wiping her mouth.

“I can’t do this Linds. It’s wrong…”

She sat abruptly, pulling a sheet around her body, suddenly self-conscious. “Wrong? What do you mean?”

“I have feelings for someone else, Lindsey. I was going to tell you first thing, but you just kinda… yeah. And I should have stopped this then… I’m an asshole. But I’m stopping it now. I don’t want to use you that way.” Gerard rushed his words, only stopping because breathing was becoming imperative and Lindsey was looking even paler than ever.

“But I love you… and you love me,” she said in a crushing voice.

“I do. I love you very much Lindsey and I think I always will, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same kind of love you have for a girlfriend. Not anymore. I can’t… I don’t want to lead you on. Now that I know how I feel, I can’t not tell you.”

“Fuck you, Gerard. Now that you know you don’t love me? Who is she? Who is this girl who has opened your eyes?” There were tears streaming down her face and Gerard’s heart broke, tears clouded his vision as well.

“That’s not important. Just that what I feel for them is the real thing. I would want them for forever. To spend my life with them,” Gerard knew this was maybe cruel. He was still sweaty from sex with the woman he was breaking up with by telling her that he loved someone else more than he could ever love her. “I’m sorry, Lindsey. We’re over.”

“You were supposed to spend forever with me Gee. We had plans. We were happy when I left. What the hell happened. Who is she?” Lindsey sounded so broken, and Gerard sobbed, just a little.

“It doesn’t matter who…”

“Fuck you! It does matter! You don’t go from happy to ready to fuck me and dump me in a handful of weeks, Gerard! She must have been a great lay.” Her voice took on a cold sound.

“We didn’t… Lindsey. They came over and we kissed. I brought them to bed and we were making out and I probably would have fucked them… but they didn’t want to hurt you. They told me no. That they wouldn’t do anything with me because I was taken and they pushed me off of them and left.”

“So that’s it? Because the girl you made moves on has a conscience, you figure you’ll dump me and then sleep with them? Hey, maybe if you get it out of your system, you’ll come back to me? I don’t fucking think so. That’s not how this works, Gerard. You don’t get to use me like that!” she practically yelled.

“No! No, Linds. I have feelings for them. And even if this person told me to get lost when I called them next time, it wouldn’t change that I don’t feel the same way about you anymore and it’s just not fair to use you like that. I don’t want you to hurt anymore than I have to, okay?!”

Lindsey growled and pounded her fists in the bed in frustration. “Who is she Gerard?!”

“It doesn’t--”

“WHO?!”

Gerard looked down at his lap, tears in his eyes. He took a deep breath before looking up to meet her gaze. He wasn’t ashamed. He wasn’t going to let anyone make him feel ashamed.

“Frank.”

She sat back a moment, stunned. “Frank…? Frank Iero, Frank? More tattoos than sense, Frank? Completely has a dick, Frank?”

“Yeah. I’ve loved him a while, Lindsey, but I pushed it aside. I never thought I had a chance. Then I met you and you made me mostly happy, but I’ve always loved him. I’ve always loved him more than you. He makes me completely happy.”

“So you’re a fag, now?” she scoffed.

It was his turn to go cold. He would accept that she would be angry, he’d hurt her and that was fair, but she’d never been intolerant before. Lindsey had always supported NoH8 campaigns and the school’s alliance club, but now that her boyfriend was choosing a same sex relationship over one with her, now she was going to call names? “If you want to call me a fag, that’s your prerogative. I’d prefer the term bisexual, but I can’t stop you from using hatespeak if that’s what you want.” Gerard took a calming breath after a look of hurt passed across her face again. She was hurting and that’s why she lashed out. He wouldn’t really hold it against her if it was a once-off. “But yeah, Frank and I have feelings for each other. I want to be with him. I’m sorry, Lindsey, but I’m done here. We’re done here.”

Without another word, Lindsey got up and gathered her clothes, dressing slowly, crying as she went. Gerard felt like such a dick, but he couldn’t have let it go. He’d made it worse on them both by sleeping with her tonight. He should have exercised some fucking self control. “I’m sorry, Linds,” he whispered miserably. “I’m really sorry it’s ending like this.”

“Yeah, well I guess you got what you wanted, huh?” she spat with a venomous backwards glance, and then was gone.

Gerard wept into his pillow for the second time in recent memory. She was right. He was despicable. 

**  
  
  
**


	3. Inside of Me and Such a Part of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. You ready?

The first day of school came around and Frank was anxious. His stomach had been a churning mess for a couple days now, after Gerard's cryptic text of  _Spoke to Linds. Need to speak to you, too._ _See you Monday? Lunch by the bleachers?_ Frank had responded in the affirmative and then stopped eating solid food because, let's be honest, no fucking way he could keep anything down the way his tummy was churning. 

When Monday rolled around, Frank spent extra time in the mirror. He wanted to look good that day. If Gerard was going to ask him out, then he'd look the part. If Gee was going to reject him, then at least he wouldn't get dumped in baggy jeans and a stained sweat shirt, right? Retain some dignity. Frank smiled when he got off the bus and walked into the school. He passed his friends with warm greetings and even smiled at the asshole science teacher who failed him for not dissecting the pig heart last term. He was trying to  _exude_ confidence. 

There was ten minutes before homeroom, and there was nothing that could steel his nerves and reinforce his air of bravado than a cigarette, so he decided to sneak out the back doors by the gym where kids smoked and adults looked the other way. Frank leaned against the wall, melting into the cold brick chilled by September air in New jersey, and lit a red with an appreciative sigh. The nicotine-laced smoke swirled in his lungs before infiltrating his entire body, and he closed his eyes and allowed a moment to daydream. To remember the way his best friend had kissed him and the way he hoped he would kiss him again. Frank wanted more of those slender fingers ghosting over the skin of his hips where his tee-shirt would ride up, because Frank's arms would be around Gerard's neck. 

He was shaken from this dream when he heard bright laughter that abruptly stopped as it came around the corner. He opened his eyes to see Lindsey, looking at him. Her face was almost sad for a moment and then defiant in the next. Frank tried to assess the meaning behind her look, but was again distracted when she turned her head to pointedly ignore the boy. On her neck was a giant purple love bite. It was in the exact same place as the barley healing love bites that Gerard had left on his own neck. 

Franks stomach gave an awful twist. The look on Lindsay's face made sense now. Pity and anger. Gerard had obviously chosen her and she felt  _sorry for Frank_.... and maybe a little angry that Frank had made a move on her boyfriend. 

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. Thank God there was no actual work to be done on the first day, because Frank couldn't have remembered his first name, much less anything actually assigned to him. Jamia had sat next to him in third period study hall and asked if he wanted to go to see the new slasher film after classes and Frank couldn't even muster a smile, much less a response. His excellent wardrobe and makeup choices hadn't done as much to ease the sting of rejection as Frank had hoped. This royally sucked. 

By lunch time, Frank was angry. Why hadn't Gerard just called him and told him it wasn't going to work out? Why hadn't the other boy stopped by? Fuck, Frank would have settled for a goddamned text or fucking Facebook message. Why make Frank wait until Monday to just build his anticipation and then break his heart. Gerard had said he loved him, and Frank had  _wanted_  Gee to think and then chose, but that didn't mean he had to be cruel about it. 

Needless to say, Frank didn't show up at the bleachers. He hid in the library with an apple and his battered copy of  _Catcher_ and tried not to fume or weep. Love sucked. Love was bullshit and he never wanted to love anyone again. 

Halfway through their lunch hour, Frank's phone started to ping. He flipped it to silent and glanced around, hoping the librarian hadn't heard. Three texts from Gerard. 

_Frank? You coming?_

_Frankie? Come on. I'm waiting here for you. I really need to talk to you?._

_Are you sick again? At the_ _nurse? Getting a little worried._

Frank sighed. He wanted so much to ignore the man, but Gee was his best friend and Frank was still in love with him. And it hurt his heart that he'd worried him... even though he was angry with the fucker at the moment. So he responded. 

_Not sick. Not coming. I don't want to talk._

Gerard was quick to respond to that,  _What? Why? We need to talk about this..._

Frank:  _Nothing to talk about, okay? I saw Linds this morning. Saw the hickey. I get it, and hearing you say it is only going to make it worse._

Gerard:  _Shit. Frank. That is SO not what you think. I'm not going to reject you. Just... come on. Skip next period and let's talk? Please? I can explain._

Frank:  _On my way. This had better be fucking worth it. I don't need to cry the first day, okay?_

Frank knew he should have said no. He knew that hearing whatever explanation Gerard had was only going to make it worse, but he couldn't help the glimmer of hope that rose in his chest when Gee mentioned that we wasn't planning on rejecting Frank. 

Maybe Lindsay had cheated on him in Scotland and that's where she got the hickey. Frank didn't like the fact that maybe Gerard was only choosing Frank because Lindsay forced his hand, but maybe that wasn't it. Maybe she just saved Gerard the trouble of breaking up with her. He  _had_ said that the bruise wasn't what Frank thought... He'd probably just been over reacting. 

The sun was bright and warm in contrast to the crunch of the thawing grass under Frank's feet. Frank watched the grass crinkle underfoot as he walked, mesmerized by the sound and feel. Then he heard the grass crunching faster... faster than he'd been walking. Someone was running toward him. He looked up and caught sight of Gerard coming at him, a grin on his face. Before Frank could comprehend what was happening, he was scooped up in Gerard's arms, wrapped in a hug. His lips were being assaulted. 

"I chose you. Of course I chose you, idiot," Gerard murmured in between kisses. Frank held on for dear life, kissing Gerard back chastely and enjoying the body heat the other boy always seemed to produce. 

They separated and then walked hand and hand to sit on the cool metal bleachers. Gerard sort of just stared at Frank in awe, excited that this could be real. That Frank could be his. Frank stared at Gerard similarly, but with a twinge of doubt. The sight of Linds that morning was hard to erase from memory. 

"So, you chose me?" Frank began. "Does that mean you and Linds are over?" 

"Yeah," Gerard whispered, hand coming up to cup Frank's cheek. "I broke up with her, she's pretty pissed at me... at us, actually, but it's done."

"At us. So she knows that you kissed me?" 

"She knows that I'm absolutely in love with you, Frank. And that I'll never love her as much or in the same way. And that even if you don't want me anymore, I'll never love her the way she wants me to. Frank... I want to be yours. I want to be with you." Gerard's thumb stroked Frank's cheek gently as he spoke. There was so much love and hope and veneration in his voice that Frank couldn't help leaning up for another, slightly less chaste kiss.

Their lips were like cream and honey together, smooth and soft and sweet. Frank could kiss Gerard for days and days. For forever. He would have liked to sit there for the rest of the hour and kiss his best friend, but he needed to know more. Frank pulled his lips away and hesitantly muttered, "And the hickey?" into the air between their faces.

Gerard sat back and cringed visibly. "I'm an asshole. I'm the assholest of all assholes. I slept with Linds before I broke up with her."

Frank mirrored Gerard's backward motion. "You... _what?!"_

Gerard looked really uncomfortable. "She came over as soon as she got back and jumped on me. Literally flung off her clothes and straddled me. I could have pushed her off. I _should have_ because I was planning on breaking it off with her the moment I saw her. I don't love her like that. Not anymore, if I ever even did. But it's like... sex with her is so easy? It's like riding a bike or breathing or whatever... and it's really hard to ignore the person who always gets you off when she's actively trying to get you off? This is a stupid excuse. I have no excuses. I'm stupid. And I was clearly thinking with my penis. And I  _did_ stop it, but not until I'd already done enough with her to make me feel guilty." 

"Guilty?"

Gee nodded. Frank looked back grimly. "Yeah. We were laying there and she was just talking and all I could think about was _you_ and how I wished it was you with me. It almost felt like I was cheating on  _you_ even though Lindsay was my girlfriend and I hadn't ended things yet... it just felt dishonest. I had already fucked her; a heat of a moment kind of thing... but she was about to go down on me again, and that's when I stopped her. Told her everything."  

Frank was taken aback. He wanted to be mad. He really, really did. But Gerard hadn't done anything  _wrong_. Not really. Frank had wanted him to take his time in choosing, and knew there was a possibility he wouldn't be chosen. Did it really matter if Gerard had been intimate with her before he'd made up his mind? "It's not cheating on me. If anything, you kissing me was cheating on  _her._ I have no reason to be angry. But still. It was a pretty shitty thing you did to  _her._ Breaking up with a girl mid blowjob is kind of low, man. Really low. Having sex with her when you know you're going to end it is kind of cruel."

"You're right. And I'm sorry. I apologized to her, too. She called me a fag and was really mean, but I get it. I hurt her pretty bad, and she was lashing out. And you're wrong. It felt like cheating because I'm not fucking around here; I'm  _really_ in love with you. I don't want to skate by on technicalities. I fucked up."

"I forgive you. Don't be hard on yourself. It's hard to think when someone is touching your dick, okay? But you're mine now. So don't fucking do it again. No dick touching unless it's me touching it. Or you touched mine, okay, asshole?" Frank laughed. His heart felt lighter, knowing the truth. Knowing that Gee picked him in the end. 

Gee laughed, too. "I'm yours, Frank? Are you mine? Can I be your boyfriend? Take you out on dates? Kiss you silly? Hold your hand? Take you to prom?" 

"All of that. You can have all of that. But if we go to prom, you better spring for a limo and a nice hotel room. And match your vest to my dress and flowers. Treat me like a lady, motherfucker." Frank scooted closer to Gerard, to his  _boyfriend_ , and placed his hands on his shoulders. 

"No," Gerard said. "I'm going to treat you like Frankie. Like my best friend. Like my boyfriend. Like the man I love."

Frank's cheeks pinkened and he leaned his head into Gee's neck. "I love you, Gee."

"I love you, too, Sugar. Always will."

 

 


End file.
